A toxic boss is a whole ‘nother level of dysfunction.
Let me break it down for you: everybody has issues. Well…everybody except Jesus and the Blessed Mother. Literally everybody else has some kind of issue or trauma or dysfunction living inside them.
Thus, of course, your boss, being human, has issues too. A toxic boss is not a boss who has issues.
A toxic boss is a boss who lets their issues interfere with their ability to lead you well and put the company’s best interests first. Hence, a toxic boss is a whole ‘nother level of dysfunction.
Having had several toxic bosses over the span of my career, I am uniquely placed to deal with this topic in my customary manner: heavy on the research with bits of my career experience here and there.
In this post, I will give you the tools you need to recognise a toxic boss and some really simple strategies that I used to deal with such an individual.
Before we jump in, this topic may be triggering to some of us. Please, please seek out a mental health professional or the police in your country if you are faced with an emotionally-abusive or physically-abusive boss, respectively. As I have always told you, I am not a therapist or psychiatrist nor do I hold myself out as a mental health care professional. If this article has met you in a dark place where you are thinking about self-harm, please don’t do it but call one of these numbers in your country instead.
God bless you.
Tell-tale toxic boss behaviours
Let’s face it: some bosses just should not be in a leadership position. They don’t know how to communicate clearly, motivate employees for sustainable results or plan efficiently.
Other bosses edge into the territory of psychological abuse by certain behaviours that, when imposed systematically, cause great harm to employees.
From my experience, most toxic bosses are very good at hiding their true colours when you first meet them. They thrive on being known as charismatic, friendly or unorthodox. However, all that glitters is not gold friends.
If we look beyond the surface, the shine is actually the glint of the light on shimmering snakeskin. Just like most kinds of malice, the sickening pattern of a toxic boss is a simply a projection of personal broken-ness/trauma on the nearest available targets: his/her employees.
Is it ‘just’ your perception?
Without getting into a philosophical argument, common sense tells me that the truth has three sides: my side, your side and what actually happened.
Usually, the most important aspect of the story is the truth, not either party’s perception. However, I think that behavioural norms represent an important exception.
In such a case, the actual act is often less important than the impact caused by the way it was received. I see it as the HR equivalent of the eggshell skull rule: leaders have to take their employees as they find them.
If a leader’s behaviour is being perceived as dangerous, destructive or toxic, then the action needs to be adjusted in order for effective communication to take place.
This paper gave a great comprehensive listing of behaviours that employees perceive to be toxic. I’ve decided to group and name them for your convenience and (hopefully) reading pleasure. Thus, I present to you: the Five Offences of a Toxic Boss.
Shame: Offence #1 of a Toxic Boss
Toxic bosses love to embarrass and shame their employees. I guess in some twisted way, making you feel bad makes them feel good.
As with the other examples, this offensive behaviour is usually a reflection of inner pain or a psychotic imbalance. Examples of this broken-ness includes-
a. demeaning, marginalizing/degrading employees
b. ridiculing or mocking employees
c. ostracizing/disenfranchising employees
d. blaming employees’ for his/her mistakes
It is for your sake that we drink the milk and eat those apples.
George Orwell, Animal Farm
Deceit: Offence #2 of a Toxic Boss
Lies are a hallmark of fairytale villains…and real ones. Broken people also lie. A lot. Add deception into the mix and you have one part of the toxic boss formula.
For instance, deceitful behaviour at work often includes-
e. lying
f. bending the rules to meet goals or asking employees to bend the rules
g. presenting toxic agendas as noble ideals
Divide: Offence #3 of a Toxic Boss
When the people that you’re trying to control out-number you, the only way to regain control is to create division among them. Plantation owners spent more than 400 years perfecting this sinister craft.
In the modern era, we have toxic bosses. Some examples of classic ‘divide and conquer’ manoeuvres are-
h. inciting one employee to chastise another
i. exhibiting favouritism
j. pitting in-group members against out-group members
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell, Animal Farm
Silence: Offence #4 of a Toxic Boss
The last thing any good dictator needs is dissent. After all, doesn’t he/she know best?
In order to continue projecting their inner trauma on staff, toxic bosses like to use the following methods to silence any objections and procure cooperation through manipulation:
k. social exclusion
l. threatening employees’ job security
m. ignoring comments or ideas
n. stifling dissent
o. coercion
“…they had come to a time when no one dared speak his mind, when fierce, growling dogs roamed everywhere, and when you had to watch your comrades torn to pieces after confessing to shocking crimes.”
George Orwell, Animal Farm
Force: Offence #5 of a Toxic Boss
Finally, when nothing else works, aggression is some form will usually save the day for a toxic boss and ensure control over subordinates.
For instance, toxic bosses may resort to any of the following:
p. physical acts of aggression
q. being rigid
r. forcing people to endure hardships
A toxic boss need not check off every behaviour on this list. Sometimes, it just takes one repeated pattern of behaviour to harm your mental health.
Where does a Toxic Boss Thrive?
Certain types of organizations, that’s where.
Photo by Kristina Tolmacheva on Unsplash
The companies that toxic bosses habituate often have certain traits/ characteristics that clue us in to their true nature. According to this paper, the organizational culture that supports toxic bosses is often narcissistic, which manifests in the following practices:
a. employee monitoring
Monitoring normally manifests as intrusions into an employee’s private life, under the guise of being related to work. It usually creates a feeling that you’re not safe and erodes your self-confidence.
b. micromanagement and distrust
This occurs where your boss literally believes that you cannot produce good work without him or her breathing over your shoulder. Now that COVID-19 protocols require social distancing, micromanagement is now high tech and usually takes the form of incessant emails, WhatsApp or Slack messages and phone calls.
c. politically motivated performance appraisals
Only those aligned with the political interests of the toxic boss take home the bacon. If you cannot be bought, you will permanently be in the doghouse, fighting negative performance appraisals and decisions not to promote you.
These patterns are all motivated by the selfish interests of the leadership, which may or may not coincide with the interests of the shareholders but never, ever intersect with the interests of employees. Besides, narcissistic organizational cultures do not beget sustainably profitable companies.
What to Do About a Toxic Boss
Friends, I’ve got to be honest with you.
You can only change yourself; you cannot change your toxic boss. When you fully accept this, you can make plans for moving forward with your life and career.
In the past, my strategy was to survive until I could resign. And that usually worked.
I survived by taking a minimal interaction approach, doing everything by the book (and by book I mean HR manual) and keeping a low profile. Short, sweet and simple.
Maybe you were hoping for a magical instant solution in this post.
If so, I’m sorry. I’ve been there too, hoping and praying for deliverance from Medusa. It’s hard. But with Divine support, good family and friends and an occasional chocolate bar, you’ll make it through.
If you don’t just want another job, but another career altogether, check out my powerful guide on career transition. It’s chock full of valuable tips to help you move on to the next stage of your career! You can access it now here.
Have you ever worked for a toxic boss? How did you escape?
Hit me up in the comments below!
Until the next post, go forth and be awesome.