Parental Leave In Your Future? Read This.

You have a job and you’re going to have a baby (or babies) too! Congratulationnnnnnns! *cue confetti

Trigger Notice: This article will mention pregnancy loss. If this topic triggers you, please have a look at other posts like this one.

While preparing for a little one can be exciting, it can also be nerve-wracking, especially when it comes to parental leave at work. If you’re career driven, one of the first people that you thought about (after your partner) is your boss or your business (if you are the boss). You may also be anxious if you had a previous pregnancy loss, if you’re not sure how your partner will react or if you’re concerned about your finances. I get it.

While I’m not a working mother (in the traditional sense of the phrase), I did go through some of the steps below to prepare for a birth which didn’t happen. For this reason, mothers who have been through miscarriages or stillbirths are dear to my heart. Pregnancy loss still doesn’t seem to have the public awareness that it deserves, especially given its frequency.

Fortunately, organisations such as The Miscarriage Association, March of Dimes and The International Stillbirth Alliance, together with blogs like Undefining Motherhood are bringing a lot more awareness to this subject.

Update as at September 27 2020: I also love the space that Leah O is creating on Instagram @notahugger_ for grieving pregnancy loss.

YouTubers have also been very open about their miscarriage and stillbirth experiences, helping thousands of women cope with the loss of a child. Friends, please be sensitive to these issues when you know that a colleague went on parental leave by not asking them about their baby: let them bring it up.

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t recommend allowing the possibility of loss to dim the joy that you hopefully feel upon seeing those plus signs. In my own life, I’ve found that anything that brings great joy can equally bring great sorrow or pain. But to live so that you avoid that sorrow or pain also means to live without joy. And that, my friends, is unacceptable.

Give yourself permission to be positive about this new life, then let’s make a plan to deal with any anxiety that you feel, shall we?

1^st Trimester

RESEARCH

Gals, you’ve peed on a stick and gotten a positive result! Yay! After you’ve told your partner and booked a doctor’s appointment, your minds may wander to your jobs and careers. How will your growing little person change your current trajectory? I’m right there with you.

The first trimester of pregnancy is all about research. Find out everything you can about providing the best incubator for your baby. When it comes to your job, be aware of your rights and entitlements.

Firstly, you should know that it’s illegal in most countries for an employer to fire a woman because she is pregnant. So don’t take any crap from your employer about your fertility gals.

Unfortunately, there is less discussion about the legality of firing a man because he is about to be a father, probably because of traditional gender roles. I would like to hope that he will not be fired either.

Now that you’re sure that your job will be around, there are a couple of questions that you should be asking to prepare for your parental leave in your first trimester.

Do your research on parental leave entitlements.

• Know what the law in your country says on maternity leave and paternity leave.
  • How long?
  • When does the leave begin?
  • Who is eligible?
  • How to apply?
  • When to apply?
  • When you are required to inform your employer?
  • Time off for doctor’s appointments?
  • The number of hours that you can work while on maternity leave and still claim state benefits?
• Is there a specific procedure in your company for informing your boss and Human Resources Department of your gestational bump?
• Papas, if paternity leave is not guaranteed by law, does your employer grant you paternity leave? What are the conditions for claiming that leave? If not, consider your vacation leave entitlement to support your spouse/partner/child’s mother.

Take a close look at your finances.

• How much will you be paid during parental leave? Will it be your full salary or just a percentage of it?
• Does your insurance cover doctor’s visits and costs associated with labour and delivery? If you are in the US, does your insurance cover the full twelve weeks of maternity leave?  If you are married or in a legally protected union, are you covered on your spouse’s insurance?
• How much do you have in savings?

This guide may also help you if you are in the US, and if you’re in Canada, check out this article and this article. In the United Kingdom? Check out this guide and this article.

Check out your work options during pregnancy.

• Will flexible hours or remote working will be available to you during your pregnancy, especially if you are experiencing anytime-of-day-sickness (formerly known as morning sickness).
• Mamas, do you have your partner’s support? If not, press on. The dolt may never come around to the adventure of being a parent. Sing Cee Lo’s ‘Forget You’ as you woman up to take care of your child. Men, don’t be that dolt.

Start thinking about working after parental leave.

• Is it an option for one of you not to continue working after baby? Think about it, and discuss it with your significant other or family members (if you’re a single mother receiving parental financial support).
• If you know that you will continue working after baby, time to start thinking about child care arrangements after you return from maternity leave. The level of planning that you do during pregnancy on how you return to work may determine the likelihood of you returning to work, according to this study.
  • Will you be able to work remotely or access flexible hours?
  • Do you have any family support to help you with childcare arrangements?
  • Will you be paying for childcare arrangements?
  • Are you eligible for any government benefits after maternity leave such as tax credits?
  • If you intend to breastfeed and you must physically return to the office, does your office have facilities to store breast milk? Breastfed is best fed, so strongly consider it.
• If you don’t want to continue working after giving birth, read your employment contract carefully. Determine whether it’s more advantageous to give notice after your leave has been completed. Time your notice carefully friends.

2^nd Trimester

INFORM AND OBSERVE

You’ve passed the 12 week mark! Now might be the time when you’re considering opening up to others to share your good news. If your anytime-of-day sickness has passed, you can enjoy your bump a bit more. By the way, doctors really need to come up with a better name for morning sickness.

For these reasons, I think that the second trimester is all about informing and observing.

• Inform your employer of your impending arrival at the statutorily mandated time through the appropriate channels and your intended date of parental leave (as indicated by your doctor).
• Tell your colleagues of your expected arrival. Or you can just leave them guessing. “Is she getting fat or is she pregnant?” Up to you.
• Talk to other working mothers to get their feedback, according to this guide. This applies to fathers too.
• Mamas, pay attention to your health and stress levels. Papas, this applies to you too as some men experience sympathy pregnancy symptoms, known as couvade (sweet, weird and 100% true).
• Make sure that you see your doctor regularly for check-ups. Surprisingly, many countries do not provide paid time off for these appointments. Don’t let this deter you from giving yourself and your baby from having the best care. You can make it work mama.
• Mamas, keep some moisturizer at your desk to slather your burgeoning bump at appropriate times during the day as you observe it with wonder.
• Don’t forget to drink lots of water. If you’re concerned about stretch marks, check out this scientific perspective and this blog post (for an overview of the topic).

3^rd Trimester

TRANSITION

Things are starting to get more intense now, if you know what I mean. Mamas, based on the size of your midsection, it will be obvious that either you’re pregnant or you’ve swallowed a large watermelon whole.

As parents, you will be dealing with Braxton Hicks, nervousness and excitement to prepare for a healthy labour and delivery. Your due date is now only a few weeks away! Your little human is almost finished cooking!

When it comes to your job, this trimester is all about transition, as you prepare to go on parental leave.

• If you will be returning to work and your parental leave is shorter than you would like, apply for those extra days to spend with your little one (if you haven’t already). Also, finalise those child-care arrangements that you spent some time researching in your first trimester. This post may be helpful for figuring out in advance the transition from maternity leave into those childcare arrangements.
• If you have already decided not to return to work after birth, refresh your memory on the required timing of your notice to your employer.
• Start preparing a list of your matters in train to be able to hand over to your boss/your team while you are on parental leave. You may find this parental leave plan or this plan useful.
• Mamas, mental and physical preparation for labour and delivery is key, even at work. A friend of mine repeated affirmations every morning at her desk to get her in the right mindset for labour, such as “my body is working perfectly and knows what to do” and “I will deliver a healthy baby safely”. Papas, support mamas in their labour prep.
• Mamas, you should also make sure that you have a hospital bag at your office (if you commute) or in your car. Just in case.

Note to mamas and papas: Ensure you understand the difference between the mucus plug and the bloody show, so that you will know (theoretically at least) when it’s babytime.

• If you know that your office is prone to throwing random morale boosters (such as an office baby shower), prepare yourself. Either decide to enjoy it or let a trusted colleague spread the word that you would prefer to transition into parental leave quietly.

Extra Note to mamas and papas: So this has nothing to do with work but is extremely useful. Consider a marathon session of preparing healthy, nutrient-dense freezer-to-oven or freezer-to-crockpot meals during the third trimester, so that you both will have healthy eating options right after the baby is born. It’s good practice for juggling work and healthy eating habits as well.

Essentially, working parents, spend your first trimester researching, your second trimester informing and observing, and your third trimester transitioning into parental leave.

Are you expecting or are you a working parent? What have you done at work to prepare for your tiny human’s arrival? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Until next week, go forth and be awesome.