Doesn’t it feel like you’re barely treading water (euphemism for surviving life) when you hate your job?
I’ve been there.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably felt bitter about hauling your butt to work every day (remote work or not), talking to people you despise or doing work that you don’t care about.
You may have entertained a brief and irrational thought that being homeless could be better. Btw, it definitely would not.
Or you might have fantasized about telling your boss how much you despise your job, à la The Proposal. Except, in your version, you quit triumphantly amid applause, sashaying like Tyra, complete with the wind blowing through your hair in slow motion.
You just want out.
Reality check: that’s probably not going to happen right now. Yes, the sound that you just heard was me bursting your bubble. But I had to.
Let me explain.
Number one: there’s no wind inside an office building. Or smack dab inside your home. Secondly, we can’t walk in slow motion without looking extremely weird and/or awkward. Yes, I’m speaking from experience.
Thirdly (and most importantly), for most of us, quitting without a plan is not practical. We still have to eat, pay rent or a mortgage, upkeep our children, our parents et cetera et cetera.
So how do you cope when you hate your job?
Before we get into the protein of this post (wanted to be respectful to the non-meat eaters), please check out my little reminder.
And now friends, let’s take a deep breath together.
Feel the air rushing into your lungs, expanding your tummy. Now let it out slooooooowly through your mouth. Concentrate on the whish of air entering and leaving your body.
Do this for as many times as necessary until you feel calmer and your mind is clearer.
Before all the negative thoughts about your job rush back in and clamour for your attention, let’s make a plan, shall we?
#1 – Understand why.
Sometimes, the underlying reason for the way that we feel about a work situation might not be obvious.
It’s up to you to do the work because, unless you understand the problem, you will not be able to find a sustainable solution.
Once upon a time, I had a job that I really thought I hated (boss included). After I was counselled and put all my thought garbage on paper, I realised that I didn’t hate my job or my boss specifically. I just hated the way that I felt in that job, as it connected me to a traumatic time in my life when I felt the same way.
Did that realisation mean that I shouldn’t have left my job? Not necessarily. However, it meant that I didn’t need to close off that career path when considering other job options.
If you know why you hate your job, you will know what to avoid, especially if you decide to move on.
#2 – Is it time to move on?
You might be thinking, ummm Camille, I hate my job. Why on earth would it NOT be time for me to move on?
Well, friend…let’s not let our emotions run the show. There may be compelling reasons to stay in a job you hate a bit longer (other than the pressing need to pay your bills).
What was your goal in starting your current job? If you didn’t have one, one way to make money is as good as another. You can just skip to #3. However, if you had a goal, whether it was to get more experience, make certain connections or learn something new, here’s some food for thought.
Brain fodder…
1.Could your goal be realistically achieved in a set time frame?
As in, could you probably achieve your goals in your current job in another year? Two years? Five years? Before you retire?
If not, that’s a good indication that, maybe, you need to move on.
2. Do you still want to achieve your goal?
Now, this one requires you to dig deep. Are you holding on to someone else’s dream for your life? Or unrealistic assumptions of how you would feel when you (finally) achieve your goal?
Ultimately, you need to decide whether you willing to do what is required for your self-imposed aim. If you realise that you no longer want to achieve the goal you set for your current job, that is a pretty good indicator that you need to move on.
3. What are your expectations after achieving your goal?
Are they realistic?
If you think that after 5 years’ experience as a contractor’s assistant, you’ll suddenly be getting multi-million dollar contracts on your own, that’s usually a stretch.
If your goal won’t get you where you want to be, perhaps you need to revisit your plan and how your job fits into that plan.
#3 – Remain gracious.
Now, this is the hard part, especially for people with a temper.
My advice to you is this: figure out tactful pre-programmed responses for the situations that upset you in your job and execute.
Then, when the upsetting situation occurs (and you know it will because you hate your job), you can take a deep breath and use your pre-programmed response. Don’t let them get you worked up.
Once upon a time, a friend of a friend of mine had a job in which her boss’ consistently poor time management, riled her up.
And it was becoming a habit. So, she sat down, thought about it, and came up with a plan – a pre-programmed response.
This was her plan: before she went into a meeting that she suspected that would run late, she always prepared an agenda in advance to try to keep her boss focused.
Sometimes, she would request a hard stop time at the beginning of the meeting. I use the words “hard stop time” to mean the absolute latest that the meeting could go.
This strategy didn’t work all the time, but it worked most of the time for my friend. She was less upset, the team generally got work done more efficiently and my friend usually went home on-time. Win-win.
Moral of the story: get some pre-programmed responses to common irritants.
#4 – Take care of yourself.
Don’t just use mental health and self-care as trendy buzzwords – live it.
When you’re in a stressful situation at work, you are far more likely to suffer from physical and mental health problems. As a result, you need to take care of yourself when you hate your job.
As I’ve spoken about before, I have found that the best healers are the most obvious: rest, exercise, healthy meals and nature. And showers. A wonderfully warm and sudsy shower with lots of great smells like eucalyptus and lavender does wonders!
Getting into a routine where you’re not stuffing your face with fast food and sugar and you’re moving muscles that you didn’t know you had is not easy. Especially when you are someone’s carer or have children.
What has worked for me is committing to doing anything that I want to incorporate into my daily routine for just 10 minutes a day. Half an hour gardening outside may sound insurmountable. But 10 minutes? Surely I have 10 minutes. And you do too!
I recently found out that my method is not original but that someone else wrote a book on it called Mini-Habits. Go figure. But that means that it works right? You don’t need to just take my word for it!
Friends, sometimes, it is time to move on.
Even after you know why you hate your job and what you hoped to get from it in the first place, it may be best to bide your time until you get something better.
If you have decided that this is it (it’s time to quit), make sure you understand your minimum salary requirements and have identified a preferred job location. Then, dust off and polish your resume with that in mind.
Then, start looking for jobs.
I have found it useful to remind myself of the ways in which a (then) current job could prepare me for another (hopefully!) better job while on the hunt. This knowledge is also something that you can use to your advantage in your interviews.
All the best to you friends!
Until next week, go forth and be awesome.
Just a little reminder…
Friends, just reminding you that I am not a professional counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist, behavioural therapist or a human resources/industrial relations professional, nor do I hold myself out as any one of these professionals. If you choose to take or act upon these strategies, you do so completely at your own risk. Please read my Terms of Use for other important information.
If you think that you might be experiencing depression or anxiety, please consult with a mental health professional.
If you have been or are having suicidal or harmful thoughts, please don’t act on them. Call any of these numbers and talk to someone.
God bless you all.
Another thought provoking topic. I am wondering, what questions did you ask yourself to help you understand why there was hate towards your job?
Great question Fay! Well, it was a process really. I first had to acknowledge that I held pain and bitterness towards certain situations in my past. In doing so, I was able to find the similarities between how i felt then and how I wsa feeling at that time. I also asked myself whether I enjoyed the work, as in, time flies when I’m engrossed. These two questions in particular helped me to figure out why I ‘hated’ my job. Hope this helps! What kinds of questions do you think would be useful to ask in this situation?