How to Say No at Work and Actually Get Your Boss to Listen

How to say no at work: this would be easy-peasy for a toddler but is actually difficult for most adults. Funny how that shakes out huh?

Saying no at work, where there is a distinct power imbalance, is especially hard. Is it better to remain quiet? Will it create more problems than solve? Will my boss actually listen?

Maybe, maybe and maybe.

Here’s the thing: learning how to say no at work is all about context and technique.

So here’s the script on how to say no at work.

Firstly, smile (even if you’re on the telephone because people can ‘hear’ it) and consider which one of these ways is the best for your situation-

1. Sure, I can do X at [alternative].
2. Sure, but I only have [X time or resources]. If you need something more, I can [alternative].
3. Sure, but I only have [X time or resources]. Can you ask another team member to help with this to allow me to focus on [Z]? I can then contribute at [alternative].

However, to implement the script, you need a strategy.

Your strategy should start even before the thorny issue arises: you have to decide where your boundaries lie. Your core values should be the litmus test for your boundaries. Knowing what you stand for makes it easy to draw your line in the sand. Quite simply put, it will be obvious.

If you’re not sure what your core values are, rank the values below in order of which ones most describe who you are. Your answers should reflect your essence: what you stand for, demonstrated by how you actually behave. Take your time. Then, identify your top 5.

Core Value List

Armed with this information, the next step (and the hardest part) is actually applying your core values to your work life, especially if your boss or colleagues don’t share them.

Picture This.

You’re anxious to wrap up on time today because you have an important appointment that you can’t miss (core value alert!). So far, so good. You’re getting emails out on time and hitting your deliverables for the day. Then, 15 minutes before you clock off, your phone rings. It’s your boss.

Offer Alternatives

Boss: Hey hey. I need to get you working on a response to VIP Client, letting them know how we are doing on the project KPIs.

Me: Sure, I can get that to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: Can’t I get it this afternoon?

Me: Were you planning on reviewing it today?

Boss: No, I wanted to look at it in the morning.

Me: Then I can get it to you first thing in the morning. What time do you need it by?

This strategy can work because you’re remaining solution-oriented but staying firm on your boundaries.

Redirect

Another way that this conversation could have gone is:

Boss: Hey hey. I need to get you working on a response to VIP Client, letting them know how we are doing on the project KPIs.

Me: Sure, I can get that to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: Can’t I get it this afternoon?

Me: Were you planning on reviewing it today?

Boss: Yes, I will review this afternoon.

Me: I only have 15 minutes before I need to leave for the day. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: Okay. Send me something brief now and we’ll fill in the detail tomorrow morning.

This strategy can work because you’ve redirected the conversation to what is possible in the timeframe suggested by your boss, following it up with the solutions-oriented (realistic) alternative.

Ask for Help

Another way that this conversation could have gone is:

Boss: Hey hey. I need to get you working on a response to VIP Client, letting them know how we are doing on the project KPIs.

Me: Sure, I can get that to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: Can’t I get it this afternoon?

Me: Were you planning on reviewing it today?

Boss: Yes, I will review this afternoon.

Me: I only have 15 minutes before I need to leave for the day. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: No, that won’t do.

Me: Can you ask another team member who is clocking out later to help with this ? I really must leave on time today and I’ll make sure to get my comments to you first thing in the morning.

This strategy can work because it’s actually pretty hard for most people to resist a direct request for help. In fact, we usually underestimate (by as much as 50%) how likely someone is to help us if we ask directly. Lastly, in this scenario, you can even pave the way by suggesting that you liaise with another team member to assist.

How to Say No at Work: Follow Through

Another way that this conversation could have gone is:

Boss: Hey hey. I need to get you working on a response to VIP Client, letting them know how we are doing on the project KPIs.

Me: Sure, I can get that to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: Can’t I get it this afternoon?

Me: Were you planning on reviewing it today?

Boss: Yes, I will review this afternoon.

Me: I only have 15 minutes before I need to leave for the day. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: No, that won’t do.

Me: Can you ask another team member who is clocking out later to help with this? I really must leave on time today and I’ll make sure to get my comments to you first thing in the morning.

Boss: No, I want you to do it.

Me: If you want me to handle this query, I can get something to you early tomorrow to review. I can smooth things over with the client to make that happen and get back to you.

Your boss won’t be thrilled, but that’s no reason not to uphold what is important to you.

Let’s picture a different scenario (just to prove that the formula is adaptive).

You’re feeling a bit overwhelmed because you have three different tasks categorized as urgent, which your boss assigned to you. Each one is going to require some heavy mental lifting to produce a quality report for your boss (core value alert!). Just as you are about to dive in, you get an email from your boss.

You know that you can respond to this request by email. However, because you need to say no, you decide that you want to call first and then follow up with an email confirming the discussion.

In the first place, you take a deep breath to settle yourself. Then, you call your boss.

Offer Alternatives

Boss: Good morning.

Me: Good morning Boss. Do you have 5 minutes? I wanted to discuss the urgent request email that you just sent.

Boss: Sure. What’s up?

Me: I can definitely complete that task for you by noon but the delivery of another of my urgent requests for NAIP Client will be delayed.

Boss: That’s fine. This is more important.

Redirect

As a matter of fact, this conversation could go another way.

Boss: Good morning.

Me: Good morning Boss. Do you have 5 minutes? I wanted to discuss the urgent request email that you just sent.

Boss: Sure. What’s up?

Me: I can definitely complete that task for you by noon but the delivery of another of my urgent requests for NAIP Client will be delayed.

Boss: I need everything done on time.

Me: I can only allot half hour to your request then in order to be able to meet all of my other urgent requests which require a detailed analysis. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you after I complete the other urgent deliverables.

Boss: Okay. If I need more detail, we can talk about it after your other work is complete.

Ask for Help

How to say no at work is not confined to the previous examples: you can still have this conversation another way.

Boss: Good morning.

Me: Good morning Boss. Do you have 5 minutes? I wanted to discuss the urgent request email that you just sent.

Boss: Sure. What’s up?

Me: I can definitely complete that task for you by noon but the delivery of another of my urgent requests for NAIP Client will be delayed.

Boss: I need everything done on time.

Me: Sure, I can only allot half hour to your request then in order to be able to meet all of my other urgent requests which require a detailed analysis. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you after I complete the other urgent deliverables.

Boss: That won’t do. I want you to carefully review all the material.

Me: In that event, can we recruit another team member to help with this task?

Boss: Sure. Let me add Jane to this call.

How to Say No at Work: Follow Through

Lastly, when you are under pressure, it is important to remember your core values in order to know when you should follow through.

Boss: Good morning.

Me: Good morning Boss. Do you have 5 minutes? I wanted to discuss the urgent request email that you just sent.

Boss: Sure. What’s up?

Me: I can definitely complete that task for you by noon but the delivery of another of my urgent requests for NAIP Client will be delayed.

Boss: I need everything done on time.

Me: Sure, I can only allot half hour to your request in order to be able to meet all of my other urgent requests which require a detailed analysis. If you need a more comprehensive review than I can accomplish during that time, I’m happy to send something more detailed to you after I complete the other urgent deliverables.

Boss: That won’t do. I want you to carefully review all the material.

Me: In that event, can we recruit another team member to help with this task?

Boss: No, I want you to do it.

Me: Sure, but my other deliverables will be delayed. I will send you a progress report at the end of the day on the requests that you have designated as urgent. Please let me know if the priority of any of those requests changes during the day.

It’s never too late to re-learn how to say no: just be more diplomatic than a toddler.